Yesterday marked our one year anniversary. I couldn't have imagined a better year. So many great experiences, and we added one to our little family. I don't know how I could be blessed with a better husband and daughter. I am so grateful to be able to have my husband as my partner, my best friend, the father to my children and my biggest cheerleader when times are tough.

We got the greatest anniversary present when I received my temple recommend last night so we will be able to do attend together. Next week my stake president will be mailing my sealing cancellation into the first presidency. We will wait prayerfully for a response for when we will be able to be sealed for time and all eternity as a family. What a wonderful blessing the church allows, for us to spend eternity with our families. I am so excited and we can not wait to start attending the temple and one day be sealed together. I can't believe everything we have done in just one short year. I'm so excited every year after this!
Trevor I love you more than I will ever be able to express. I don't know how I was so blessed to have you in my life, to help me grow, push me to be stronger, and be the best I could be. I love you!

Emerson has finally been feeling back to herself. As her mama this makes me oh so happy! So as I said earlier about her scary hospitalization right after we took her home, she has always spit up, and not just a little. It made me feel bad for her because I felt like she would be spitting up at least an ounce of her bottle every time. Pumping all the time and only to have her spitting it up or throwing all of it up just broke my heart. She was still growing and gaining weight so I figured everything was going well and she wasn't acting too upset. Every once and a while she would do her hurt cry and it would break my heart.

Happy MLK day! In the Tolman household we celebrated by painting :) and finishing up almost all of Emersons room. I just have a few more things I'm planning on doing. While my sweet little Emmy is asleep in the baby bjorn on my chest I figured I might as well post some pictures of her nursery, and our hallway wall that has been bugging me, its so long narrow and BORING!

I jumped on to pinterest where I found exactly what I want to do! We painted today, and in the next few days I'll hopefully finish the decor. Okay on to the pictures, you'll have to tell me what you think, and if you have any fun ideas of stuff to hang on the wall send them my way, its a long narrow boring hallway and it needs some spunk!

So much has happened lately, and I'm terrible at remembering to blog. This will probably be a short and sweet entry since Emmy has been hating the mornings just like her mom. Poor girl!

So this holiday season was a blast! Trevors family have a tradition to go to SLC and check out the temple lights. It was our first trip with Emmy and it was an adventure :) She had atleast one blowout a day, puked on Trevor, peed and pooped on me. Lets just say she had fun, but was happy to return to her home and get back into a normal schedule. 

On Monday the 12th, I went to the Doctor for yet another appointment, I was 5 days over due and praying for any progression with my pregnancy. The doctor checked me and informed me I was still only dilated to a 1, a 1?! My doctor then asked me if I was having any types of contractions and very annoyed I told him no I haven't had a single contraction I haven't felt as if I was progressing with my pregnancy at all. Was I ever going to meet our little one?! He told me to lay down so he could measure my tummy and check the heartbeat when he told me I was having a contraction right then? What how could I be having contractions and not even know it? Trevor and I  tried everything to get her here, we went walking for as long as I could the last few nights to try and make some progress with our sweet little girl but she was not wanting to come! At that point I was so frustrated I wasn't progressing. I had broke out in crazy hives the last two weeks of my pregnancy, so if I wasn't uncomfortable from the pregnancy it was from me itching my whole body until my skin and have little blood spots. I tried everything my doctor suggested from over the counter stuff to prescription allergy medication with no relief, the only thing we could think was it was just the extra hormones from the pregnancy. The doctor knew how frustrated I was and gave me the best news I could hear! He told me if nothing happened sooner he would induce me on Wednesday the 14th. We only needed to wait 2 more days!

That night Trevor and I decided we would go out to dinner because it would be our last time going out again just him and I. At dinner at Applebees I started to actually realize the contractions I was having. I excitedly told Trevor, I think I'm having contractions! He was confused at how I wouldn't know if I was having them or not, and frankly so was I. We finish our dinner and then I realize they really are contractions, and they are getting pretty quick. We watch a movie and then decide its time for bed. Around 2 am I couldn't sleep through the contractions any longer. I tell Trevor the contractions are coming and coming strong, we started timing them and realized they were about every 4 minutes. I just kept walking around the house until 4:30 when I told Trevor I think its time to go.

The drive to the hospital was so crazy, we were talking about how the next time we get in the car our lives will be forever changed. It will no longer be the two of us, we were starting our family! We get to the hospital and the nurse hooks me up to all the monitors and confirms I am having contractions everywhere from 2-4 minutes apart. I thought its real! I'm going to have this baby and hopefully soon! The nurse checks me, only to tell me Im only at a 1. Are you kidding me I thought?! She calls my Dr and he says to keep me there and since I am already over due we would be having her because of my contractions. Trevor and I walked all around the hospital and around 7 am my Dr checked me. He told me Im in between a 1 and 2. I figure I'm still not progressing, ugh!

10:30 came and my Dr decided to break my water, which is a crazy sensation! I felt like I was peeing myself! Then the nurse tells me there was meconium in the amniotic fluid (she pooped inside me). I told my mom there was 3 things I was nervous for, that I would have to have a c-section, that she would poop inside me, and that the cord would be wrapped around her neck. When the nurse told me that I waited for the nurse and Dr to leave the room, then I started to cry. Trevor calmed me down telling me everything will be okay, the delivery would go great and things were going to start moving now that they had broke my water and were going to start me on pitocin. Things were moving all right, the contractions were starting to get crazy.

Around 12:30 it was way too intense and I decided to get an epidural, which was AMAZING! My mom was telling me how scary they were but I figured what the heck Im in a lot of pain Ill make it through it. Little did I know the epidural was less painful than the IV, and man I felt amazing afterwards, until the nurse came in a couple hours later to tell me they think the cord is probably wrapped around her neck. Again as soon as she left the room I start crying. Will anything go right in this labor? Trevor calms me down again telling me everything will be okay. The nurse comes and checks me only to tell me Im still at a 2ish.

My parents were in and out of the hospital throughout the day keeping on checking on us seeing how we were progressing anxiously awaiting their first grand baby. Trevors parents came from Jerome and got to the hospital around 2ish and were also anxiously awaiting for another granddaughter.

The nurses keep checking me about every 2-3 hours with still little to no progress happening. Our little girl wouldn't come down into my pelvis causing me to dilate. I was getting discouraged thinking this would never happen. At 7:00 my Dr came back to check on me and see how far I was, at this point I was only to a 3-4. Thats when my third fear came to place.

My Dr told me that she just wasn't moving down so he suspected that my pelvis was too small for her to go down, so he suggested I have a c-section. He told me that I could try and have a natural birth but from the past babies that he has delivered in those cases they usually ended up with a c-section, and because there was meconium in the amniotic fluid they needed to get her out within a certain amount of time so if she didn't come naturally within that time frame I was going to get a c-section. I was terrified. All I could think of was what is wrong with me? Why wont my body let me do this? My Dr is one of my dads very best friends, they went to kindergarten together all through college. I trust this man like no other.  So after grilling him with a million questions about a c-section we decide that is what is best. Luckily my parents and Trevors parents were there to help calm me. Trevors mom had 7 children all of them c-section. It was comforting having her there to just reassure me that everything will be okay, c-sections weren't the end of the world, and soon we would have our little girl in our arms. So yet again after my Dr left the room to go get the anesthesiologist, I cried. I asked Trevor and my dad to give me a blessing, and even though I was shaking on the bed rolling into the operating room I felt comforted that everything was going to be okay, even if they were going to be slicing me open in the next few minutes.

A c-section is nuts! Being awake knowing that your stomach is sliced open and they are going to be taking a baby out of you is crazy! I was numb from my chest down so I am grateful for that! The only thing I could feel was pressure, I kept staring at Trevor freaking out telling him how scared I was and asking almost every couple minutes is she out yet? Then I felt the Drs pushing on my stomach and I could hear them grunting, these were two grown men. How hard were they pushing, I mean I could feel them pushing on my stomach pretty hard which led me to think my ribs are going to break in half! Then I hear them say I need the forceps, shes not coming out. Talk about scary! The next thing I know they are pulling her out and I hear the other Dr say is it a boy? Oh no oh no I thought?! A boy?! I just bought everything girly! Then quickly he corrected himself and they held our perfect Emerson Sofia, covered in white stuff over the little tent that was blocking me from seeing anything. It didn't quite hit me that was our girl, maybe it was all the drugs or maybe it was just stress and being so tired from a days full of adventure. But when I looked over at Trevor and saw him crying telling me that she was our baby girl and how beautiful she was, I couldn't have been more in love with him. If it wasn't for him throughout the day I don't know if I could have done it.

The nurses take our sweet baby to go clean her up and trevor went with them leaving me all to my lonesome in the operating room. They just had to sew me back together again and I would be good to get out of there and see my girl! I kept asking the anesthesiologist if I was done yet, which was probably a mistake because the last layer they were closing he told me okay they are just stapling your last layer up, we will be done soon. Then I could hear the stapler, and feel them pulling. I kept trying to tell myself breathe you'll be done soon haha. And I was and I was wheeled back to a room and finally got to see my baby and husband.

Three days later we were able to leave the hospital. And it couldn't have been more wanted from us! We were so excited! We played with her all day at home then around 7 pm I decided I would take a shower and let some hot water run on my incision. I had just fed Emerson and she was asleep so we bring her upstairs and put her in her bassinet. I was getting ready for my shower when I hear trevor yell there is something wrong with Emmy, SHES NOT BREATHING! What?!  I walked out of the bathroom to see Trevor crying, holding Emmy having stuff coming out her nose and mouth, then I can tell she is starting to turn whiteish, she really wasn't breathing. This can't be happening I thought. We just got her in our lives! I can't loose her! Trevor immediately turns her over and is hitting her back trying to clear her airway. I call 9-1-1 and they send police and paramedics to our home. Trevor yells to get the nose aspirator downstairs, I have never flown up and down those stairs faster in my life even though I could barely walk up them just 20 minutes earlier. Trevor did an amazing job at keeping his cool and got her breathing again in like 30 seconds. The paramedics got to our home checked her out and said she was doing great now and told Trevor he did all the right things. They told us we could take her to the ER and get her checked out if we wanted so we did. They said everything was fine and they thought it could have just been some amniotic fluid that didn't come out from when she was born.

I think about that day all the time, how grateful I am to have a husband who checked on our little Emmy just because to find her like that. We could have had a life tragedy that night had I got into the shower and Trevor lay down for a nap, but my husband saved our sweet baby. I couldn't have been more lucky to be with him. He has given me the greatest gift in life our sweet little baby and unconditional love towards me. I am a very grateful mama for such a perfect little angel and an amazing husband.
Today Emerson is 1 month old! I cant believe how fast time flies!